Homeless man's funeral.

Country Funeral:

As a young minister, I was asked by a funeral director to hold a

grave-side service for a homeless man, with no family or friends. The

Funeral was to be held at a cemetery way back in the country, and this

man would be the first to be laid to rest there.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods area, I became lost; and being

a typical man did not stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour

late. I saw the backhoe and the crew, who was eating lunch, but the

hearse was nowhere in sight.

I apologized to the workers for my tardiness, and stepped to the side of

the open grave, where I saw the vault lid already in place. I assured

the workers I would not hold them up for long, but this was the proper

thing to do. The workers gathered around, still eating their lunch. I

poured out my Heart and soul.

As I preached the workers began to say 'Amen, 'Praise the Lord,' and

'Glory'! I preached, and I preached, like I'd never preached before from

Genesis all the way to Revelations. I closed the lengthy service with a

prayer and walked to my car.

As I was opening the door and taking off my coat, I overheard one of the

workers saying to another,

"I ain't never seen anything like that before, And I've been putting in

septic tanks for twenty years."

A Really Bad JOke

Subject: A really bad one!!!
> > 

>  

  This morning, I was in a huge hurry and on my way to work. I was
 preoccupied with my day ahead and because I was not really paying attention            I rear-ended a car at a stop light

   . "Great, just great", I muttered.
> > 

>  

> >   The driver opened his door........leaned out of his car and stared at me.

>  

> >   He was a dwarf, or little person, whatever they prefer to be called.
> > 

>  

> >   He got out, studied the damage on his bumper, and walked towards me as I rolled down my window.
> >
> >
> >
> >   He said, "I'm not happy"...
> >
> >
> >
> >   To which I replied, "Well..... which one are you then?"
> >
> >
> >
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> >
> >
> >   Smile!